Our relationship with Jesus is very personal. That’s what I believe. We are, because He is. He’s Holy, and Perfect, and Loving. We’re broken, and at this stage, un-perfect. But we’ll only stay that way if we don’t let Him into our lives. What’s broken can be healed, and what’s blemished can be perfected. It’s all grace. But we do have to choose. Choose to live like that – choose to be perfected, to let Jesus’ all encompassing grace surround us and make us new.
“Not my will, but Yours be done” – most of us are familiar with that phrase, I’m sure. But how often do we truly pray it ourselves? It’s h.a.r.d. To actually mean it, at least. But still, praying with our mouths still sets our direction and aligns our will with His.
I recently had a prayer appointment with a family friend. Many good things came from it, but one was not lying. To myself. We can’t lie to God – He knows everything anyway. But we can lie to ourselves. Maybe you’ve done this, too: I wouldn’t be totally authentic with God about what I was feeling because I didn’t think I “should” be feeling what I felt. For example, I wanted specific physical healing. But I wouldn’t truly ask for it because I knew I “should be thankful in all things”. And that’s true – we are to be thankful in all things, but it has to start from the heart. And I was lying to my heart, making me sick in a way. So sitting there in that prayer appointment, He said “Stop lying. Tell Me what you want,”. It sounds unconventional. Maybe it is. But my God is a Healing God – He knows the steps for inner and perfect healing. So I did, I let out all my pent-up feelings to Him. I listed off what I wanted, one by one. For years I never did that – I never was truly authentic out of fear of being “wrong” or making myself “unlovable”. Childhood fears. We all have them – He just unearths them slowly and gently when we give Him room to.
As I listed my wants, I was emptying myself so something beautiful could happen by His hands. When I was done speaking out my wants, He showed me that it was good, but now it’s time to give those wants over to Him and understand “Not my will but Yours be done”. Then He led me to want what HE wants. So if that means no immediate healing, Blessed be His Name. He’s teaching me to pray “This is what I want Lord, but not my will but Yours be done”.
Is it easier now? Heck no! We live in an ongoing battle. He showed me that I will have to keep affirming out loud that I want what He wants. It’s not going to be easy. And I’m still going to stumble. But He wants honesty. It’s cool how something two-sided can be bonded together. He wants to hear what I want, but also for me to align myself with His will – both of these work in harmony. “You have not because you ask not” – so let us ask, let us be honest. Let us not lie. And watch as He brings us to a place of “not my will but Yours be done, Father”.
There’s a quote in one of my favourite books that I’m rereading right now (“Destiny Defied” by J.A.Marx”) that says:
“Heal the spirit and the rest will fall in line.”
And that’s truth. Once we allow the Lord to heal our spirit, the rest really will follow.
Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all this shall be added unto you.