Posted in God's Lessons, Writing

I’m a Writer, no really!

teacher-appreciationweek

 

I realize that, on this blog, I rarely {If ever?!} really talk about my writing. I mostly talk about books and what I’m reading.

Well, I do actually write too. There isn’t a lot of evidence online of that, but you’ll just have to take my word for it. ;)

I’ve been writing for…about 9 years I think. And of course, writing small things when I was younger. I’ve always wanted to be published. That’s been a big ‘dream/wish’ of my heart. And yet….it doesn’t happen. Another year goes by, and I’m still not published. Why is that? Some people probably don’t even know I seriously write.

I’ve got two novels finished. Countless ones started, and several in progress. I am a writer. But not published. I have characters I adore, I have the story of my heart written, and more bursting inside me. This is a passion of mine. But. I am not published.

And this…this hurts on some days, truly. I look at several friends and numerous people who are published, and it hits me again that I’m not. I could be, but I’m not. Am I not good enough? Am I just too lazy? But no. I know those aren’t the answers. And really, I do know what the answer is.

It’s not God’s time yet. 

I want it to be though! So badly, I do. I want to be able to say, “Yes, I did that! I am published – maybe you’ve heard of me. Check out my books!”.

Ah, but there is much wrong with that sentence for me. Because it is the state of my heart. Where is it at? I get caught up on focusing on what I want. So that my name can be known, so that it looks like I’ve accomplished something to the outside world.

Two major things are wrong with that. One, is that: Does it matter if my name is known out there? If you’ve read the previous posts about “Honor” (Part One and Part Two), you’ll understand that I’ve been learning that, no of course it doesn’t matter. It’s not about me. It’s not about my name, but HIS name. And if He doesn’t want me to be published right now, then that is the best course.

Second thing wrong is: Why does it matter what the world thinks, and if they think I’ve accomplished something or not? It shouldn’t matter. Yet, sometimes to me it does. Because I’m broken. But….

It. Doesn’t. Matter.

I need to stop looking out, and start looking up, and in.

“What is that to you? Follow thou ME” – John 21:22

This is what God has called me to. Only He knows why. But that’s enough. It’s enough for me to remember that I’m where I’m at because of Him.

I’m a Writer because He chose me to pen His stories. I can’t write apart from Him. So it is ALL Him, and pretty much none of me. And at this time, He has chosen to keep my writing “hidden”. It’s our thing – His and mine. And it’s special. My writing may not be “out there” yet, but it’s a treasure to me, and it’s where He wants it. Maybe someday I’ll only have time to edit and publish, instead of write. So be it. Wherever His will is, that’s where I want to be.

So I’m sorry I don’t share my stories with you lovely people just yet. I’m sorry I can’t share more about my characters. But, I think, that day will come. In His timing. When I can wholly and 100% be able to say “Look at these books God wrote – He’s healed me through the writing of them. Maybe He can touch you through them too. It’s His Work. Not mine.”

It doesn’t matter if I’m a writer. But it does matter that He’s a Writer. And I couldn’t be a writer if He didn’t write through me. So… “He’s the Writer, really, and I’m just His pen”.

 

he-is-the-writer-and-i-am-just-his-pen

 

 

 

 

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Author:

I am a 21 year old homeschool graduate who is passionately in love with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I love writing, reading, knife/tomahawk-throwing, and letter-writing, among other things. :)

9 thoughts on “I’m a Writer, no really!

  1. Oh the secrets you’ve been keeping! LOL. You’ve certainly piqued my curiosity, especially since I work with new authors all the time. Have you attended a writer’s conference? How I wish we could ‘meet up at Starbux’ so I could hear your story.
    -J.A.

    1. :D And I guess I wasn’t actually aware that you work with new authors! That’s really neat. :) I wish we were close enough to meet up too! That would be amazing. No, I haven’t had the chance to attend a writer’s conference, sadly. There has never been any near me, and I can’t afford it at the moment. =/ But I know God will make a way someday!
      Thanks so much for commenting, Mrs. Marx!

  2. *applauds* LOVE THIS!!! You’re amazing <3 I already knew you are a writer tho and I know how awesome your writing is because I've read it!! ;)But yes, this was an incredibly inspirational post. Good for you! Love you!

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