It is so wonderful to be just ME. Who God created me to be. You should know, first, that lately God has been trying to show me who He made me to be, and how that’s exactly how I should be. I was struggling a little bit with comparing myself to….my older sister. This has actually always been a sort of struggle for me – one lady even came up to me once and sad “You look nice today. I’m sure it’s hard to have a sister that is so drop-dead gorgeous, isn’t it?” I just gave a half smile and walked away, trying to push the comment away, knowing it was just an attack from Satan. But it still got into my heart, and hurt. (don’t worry, I told Mum later, and God gave me His truth. I love Him so.)
So, yes, as you can now see, I would slightly struggle with how I look. Even though I KNOW that it’s my heart that matters. I think God has finally healed me of that though. Or at least mostly. Last night it really sunk it. Monday it all pretty much came out, and Mum prayed with me, God healed me a bit more. Then the next day He healed me a bit more. Wednesday He did a bit more, and last night I saw myself. Praise God! Yesterday morning I had been praying about this specific thing, asking God to please fill me completely. I felt a whole where looks just kept eating away slowly at me. He did. He filled me. And I am whole once again. Haha, the Lord gives me lots of mental pictures, and the one that He gave me a while back always comes to mind at times like these. I turned to the world, and I find no comfort. I finally turn back to Him, and He brings me all the joy I need. I could start crying now, if I let myself. :) My Abba Father is just so good.
Anyway, last night I glanced in the mirror on passing it, and I saw me. Like the real me God created. Rae. No cover-ups. My hair was a mess, my eyes looked tired, but His joy was in me once again.
He created all of us in His image. He doesn’t make mistakes. I am who I am.
“But by the grace of God, I am what I am…” somewhere in…1 or 2 Corinthians I think…
Edit Note: I just wanted to let anyone who’s reading this, know that I don’t struggle with self-esteem issues. I’m perfectly fine with who I am – I’ve never cared what other people thought of me. That’s their own problems. Lately I was just learning how to further my walk with Christ, and seeing myself as He sees me :)